The Perfect Headline

As a working journalist, I have never walked into a newsroom where there isn't a trace of professional rivalry between reporters and sub-editors.
Reporters believe subs are there to add in "alleges", commas and headlines while Subs believe they turn reporters copy into English.
"We make you look good," my Sub Editor of a wife often reminds me.And I agree, sometimes.There is no better thing than looking at a story you have written sitting under a witty, punchy headline.
Take the story of the 29 year old man who fell into a vat of molten chocolate at a factory where he works in the US.

What would your headline have read?

See the pic below for what I think is the perfect headline.